Worry Will Forsake You–God Will Not: A True Story of Grace.

(This is a guest post from Nikki Hellmers Barrett, an aspiring writer, teacher, and wife of my favorite brother. Albeit, my only brother!)
I listened to a song last week called “O My Soul” by a Christian artist named Audrey Assad. In her song she sings, “Your worries will never love you; They’ll leave you all alone; But your God will not forsake you.”
I will be first to tell you that I can be a bit of a worrier sometimes. (Remember my last post?) There are definitely times when I sweat the “small stuff“ and it makes me wonder how in the world I will be able to deal with the “big stuff”. My husband tells me, “God has not graced you with the ability to deal with those things yet, so stop worrying about what hasn’t happened.” These past few months have been a lesson in that.

It was last November when my parents, whom I am very close to, told me the results from my dad’s PSA test came back abnormal. Even though my dad is only in his forties, he starting testing early knowing he was at a higher risk with both his father and grandfather having had prostate cancer. My parents were pretty confident that it wasn’t cancer because my dad is so young.

However, I knew in my heart that it was cancer. It wasn’t pessimism — it was just a gut feeling.

Weeks later, my dad was to get his results from the series of tests he had to go through. His appointment was for 3:00PM, and by 4:00 I was anxiously calling my parents, hoping my usually veracious gut feelings were defective this time.

No answer. My sister was doing the same thing. After hours of calling and texting with no response for the both us, my hopes began to fade.

Later on that night, I was settling down with my husband and a bowl of soup when I saw headlights pulling into our driveway…and my heart sank. I knew it was my parents, and there was only one reason for them to come by and talk to us in person. When my husband answered the door the look on my parents’ face said it all. It was a look of anguish, varnished with a look of hope.

Eleven out of the 13 tests came back positive for cancer. The next steps were more tests to see if it had spread and then surgery. We talked and cried, and then they left.

Without saying a word, my husband immediately took me into his arms and prayed. As my tears soaked through his shirt, I realized that I wasn’t crying out of worry or fear; I was crying just out of sadness for my parents. I believed in my heart that the cancer had not spread and that this was just a big bump in the road that God would carry us through — and He has! Tests show that the cancer doesn’t appear to have spread, and he is currently recovering from a very successful surgery.

God graced me with the ability to deal with a big thing. Sometimes I think that my “gut feelings” are there because God knows my emotions, and it’s His way of preparing me for the big things. He may not prepare me for every one of life’s curveballs, and He doesn’t have to. But He will carry me through them when I get there. That’s nothing short of God’s grace.

In the meantime, I need to remember what God says in Matthew 6:33-34:

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

1 Comment

  • Angela Barrett
    11 Apr 2012

    What a load of truths for us to grab hold of huh Chad! I love you son! and your only brother who married Nikki! Cause I love her too….so therefore I also love Melissa….and I must mention I love Melanie and her Jason….ok…done

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