God, I Don’t Know Why

“God, I don’t know why.page 30.2
I don’t know why.
I don’t know why You let her die.
But I don’t have to know why,
because I know You.
And I trust You.”

One of my many prayers spoken through many tears.
Was not easy, but it has freed me.
Even when every ounce of me screams the opposite,
I will trust my God.
He was bigger than my fears on August 23, 2010,
He was bigger than my anguish on June 21, 2014,
And He is still bigger now.

Bigger than my sadness and confusion,
Bigger than my questioning and grief,
Bigger than my frustrations.

What’s so big about His grace?
His goodness poured into my life even as I don’t deserve it?
This is precisely what people in the world crave.
The peace He gives is grand, too.
There’s nothing in the world that works like God’s peace.
Nothing.
And I have it.

During those times when I question why
And fall to my knees,
He picks me up and carries me.
And the only reason I can figure out why–
Why He does all of this to me–
Is because He really does love me.
1 Peter 5:7 (Look it up, guys.)

I still pray this prayer,
And it’s still prayed with tears.
Probably always will be.
But so will be His peace.

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